Orlando
1992
England
Sally Potter
Indie Rom Com
What’s it all about: Tilda Swinton is a 17th-century Carry Bradshaw, breaking the fourth wall to tell you she’s a man and then show you she’s a woman. Her next 400 years of fashion do’s and love don’ts unfolds like a really long, lavish episode of Sex & the City.
What’s so gay about it: aristocratic wigs, scenes in the snow, Quentin Crisp as the queen, Tilda’s lock on androgyny
First Encounter: first viewing
Prostitute Index: nil
Death By: wither and fade
Relics: ruffled cuffs
Hoops: running through a topiary maze when you’re feeling lost; Tilda Swinton staring blankly into space
Heartthrob: Tilda Swinton, George Antoni
Pass/Fails the Test of Time: Billy Zane
LoFi Magic: courtship on ice
Words to live by: “Do not fade. Do not wither. Do not grow old.”
Makes me want to: direct your attention to “Princess Caraboo”
Candotti Take: “She can’t handle life as a man.” / “It was her original teeth back then.” / “What a long scene.” / “Querelle, Orlando, all the names are always gay.” / “This movie wins for a lot of long, unnecessary scenes. Tell me in 30 seconds, not in 3 minutes.” / “It started as an Art Com and ended up a Rom Com.” / “You have to be exhausted to really watch this movie. It’s the first slow movie ever that I didn’t fall asleep and I’m very impressed. I was ready to sleep and then this movie kept me awake.”
Worth a watch/rewatch: No (“Actually, it could be even a ‘Never.’” - Candotti)
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