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The Orchard End Murder
1980
Kent, United Kingdom
Christian Marnham
Horror Short
What’s it all about: Can cricket actually bore you to death? That is the central question of this macabre jaunt to the English countryside, where Tracy Hyde wanders off from her boyfriend’s match to mingle with the local hayseeds, then can’t decide whether she’s horny or scared until it’s too late.
First Encounter: first viewing, but this kind of movie was always on Cinemax: After Dark Prostitute Index: nil
Death By: ignoring every last warning sign
Relics: steam locomotive, garter belts
Hoops: the girl who senses danger and naturally goes to investigate
Heartthrob: Clive Mantle
Pass/Fails the Test of Time: graphic violence
LoFi Magic: heavy petting in an apple orchard; English gardens
Makes me want to: do a Midsomer Murders tour
Candotti Take: “49 minutes, the movie is already good.”
Worth a watch/rewatch: Yes
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