My Extraordinary Summer with Tess
2019
Scheveningen, Zuid-Holland, Netherlands
Steven Wouterlood
*A Full Candotti Take*
Genre: “Children’s Vacation Drama”
A Better Title: “My Challenging Summer with Tess”
What’s it all about: “I like the location. The kid has all the features to be a gay kid but he’s not gay. He meets a girl full of drama who somehow has interest to hang out with him, but as any girl of that age, she has a zillion problems inside her mind and then she can’t deal with that and she ends up somehow punishing him for no reason.”
First Encounter: first viewing
Prostitute Index: nil
Death By: volcanic eruption
Relics: “that old guy that shows up who’s this fish man, all orange and dressed as a Viking”
Hoops: the scary old man who turns out to be kind and full of wisdom
Heartthrob: Julian Ras (“the brother, he has a beautiful nose. the kind of tough, hot Dutch guy”)
Pass/Fails the Test of Time: the plot (“finding out who your father is by reading a diary”; “how’s the mother supposed to rent the airbnb to this guy and not realize it’s the father?”)
LoFi Magic: “the old man opening the oysters, the way he was breaking the shells”
Makes me want to: go to the beach at Scheveningen
Worth a watch/rewatch: No (“It is definitely an airplane movie. If you forget to carry your sleeping pills on the plane, this is the movie.”
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