Cloverfield
2008
Manhattan, New York
Matt Reeves
Bro Sci-Fi Horror
What’s it all about: Michael Stahl-David is about to move to Japan when Godzilla crashes his going away party. There’s just enough character development for you to root for the monster.
Prostitute Index: nil
Death By: a bite
Relics: deep 00s career hipsters
Hoops: peeling off the attractive friends one by one for their big disaster porn snuffings; taking shelter at a Sephora while faceless extras loot the electronics store across the way
Heartthrob: Jessica Lucas
Pass/Fails the Test of Time: T.J. Miller
LoFi Magic: an eerily unoccupied horse-drawn carriage
Makes me want to: go to Central Park while it’s still there
Candotti Take: “Never risk your life for a girl named Beth.”
Worth a watch/rewatch: No
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